Resurfacing a piece gifted to Genevieve and Sunja following their wedding day a year ago. Happy Anniversary to the both of you.
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We were due for a Genja Solstice.
I remember meeting the both of you for the first time. Genevieve, popping up near my desk, new from New York and more professional and tenured than the entire GREYSF staff put together (...we’d find out ...sorry, MJ), and Sunja coming to meet us in those first few days, hanging out near the window at work, catching up in the light of the sun and on whatever drama that particular day served up. I remember the friendship growing, mostly through G at work. And by way of being her work wife, falling in love with Sunja in parallel. You cannot hear the way G talks about Sunja and not - the depth of her caring is so evident in how she speaks of him. We have unbelievable memories from those first 2 years; from 2am pitch nights to 2am hamburgers.
I also remember Genevieve's feeble attempt at a conniption fit over a New Years Eve - just wanting a proposal, a ring - to be Sunja’s wife. Pouting outside of the Make Out room trying to make a point - I’m laughing right now recalling it. I remember feeling that Sunja’s greatest art was his romance to Genevieve - the paintings, the jean jackets, the hours toiling at night in secrecy to bring these things to life - and asking him to push a deadline up on the most precious form of romance and commitment - a proposal - would go against every fiber of his creativity. Good things take time.
Well thank the Lord you did it Sunja, and made way for us to have a front row seat to what would be one of the most iconic weddings I’ve attended in my lifetime.
Genja Solstice was the first break in the hiatus of weddings I’ve experienced for the last 4 years. I’ve never been able to complain about how many weddings/ showers/ bachelorettes I’ve got to juggle physically and financially for the summer – I just don’t have enough close friends. I’m okay with it. This past weekend in Dripping, though .... was a hell of a falling off the wagon.
I love you, Genevieve, and I love Sunja. Both magical in your existence, unapologetically yourselves, and unsparing in doling out your love for each other in personal, non-flashy ways. It feels so real. In Talib’s foreword, I registered with the notion of G being “scared to introduce her friends to Sunja… out of fear they would like him more.” He is a fresh thing, untarnished by the outside world, blossoming and loving and gentle. He is so damned likeable. And, as previously mentioned, he will forever be my Burger King - the only man I’ve truly ever eaten in non-tensioned silence with - peeling off to a relic burger joint two doors down while the rest of our friends partied for a birthday.
Genevieve, you command any room you enter, squinty-eyed as you hone focus on your next victim (you refuse to wear glasses whaaaaaat whyyyyyyy),** let laughs escape from deep in your soul, and are forward and open and strong in your convictions. I have once, rather famously said “To Genevieve, fact and opinion are the same.” Genevieve, if you were a professional athlete, I whole heartedly believe you’d play scrappy ... for the sheer fun of it.
Your bachelorette was the event I began to believe in humanity again. Before I touch on the supernaturality of the friend group, do know that I am a generally fear-laced, anxiety-prone human. I need alone time. I need sleep. I need deep and constant hydration. I need to talk about these things with whoever will listen. The love and fun of G’s friends that weekend taught me I might not need any of those things if I am enjoying myself and the company I keep, enough. The group of friends should be studied closely, appreciated for the individual traits and how they contribute to the ecosystem of the group. I felt like I was on safari, but if you got to hang out with the animals close up and they give you lots of compliments. People in the crew do what they want when they want to do it, with the team behind them cheering them on - usually with a “FUCK ME UP!”. They make decisions, and laugh together at the wrong ones, and prefer anything that makes for a better story.
G’s friends are family. There are actual real-life family units within this chosen family, but the sibling connection you feel and the peace a loving one provides is palpable. It contributes to the strength of the tribe. There is no competition. If there are big feelings, the words associated with them are released immediately - unsavory sentiments do not stay trapped within this group. I could speak on their beauty and palate of ethnicities and skin tones and hand movements and hair textures that I am absolutely mesmerized by; how they speak so freely, handle their business and work, and never seem tired. About how every conversation is a deep one. How intelligent each of them is - another thread of similarity none of them seem acknowledge but all just know. They understand life is for living, and they lean into experiences with reckless abandon. I learned this weekend they all said yes to moving to New York some years ago while rolling to Boyz Noize. They actually did it. I’m still shaken up.
The wedding weekend started slowly for me, at my weekend cottage, so beautiful and out in the open that I felt as though I was checking into rehab. I could have stayed there for 3 months of summer, easily. Doing nothing and losing my edge. There is a bench swing attached to an oak tree that I will bring my morning coffee to and swing for about an hour. After a stint of getting unreasonably lost with Uber (Does this story belong here? Probably not), I make way to the event, excited to see everyone but somehow overwhelmed by anxiety. Bird, my guardian angel, pulls me aside for a conversation that becomes something much bigger. About my thoughts holding me back, what I have to offer to this world, and how to tap into strength and be my own source of abundance, acceptance and love. It will trigger me to go home that night, stay up 3 hours listening to The Women Who Run with Wolves (completing the book by the end of the weekend), and decide I am going to make some cataclysmic changes in my life to direct it where it needs to go. Weirdly, I’m realizing, the weekend does become a rehab.
Saturday is a day and night out in Austin with new friends. I am out eating lunch alone, in one place, in all of Texas, and I see them outside. I had been texting with Amber and we had planned to meet up later, but by some stroke of luck, mid-bite of brisket, they materialized in front of me. Of all the restaurants, of all the cities, of all the people. They were only outside because Rachel wanted to buy a homeless woman food. The day was more good conversations, sugary shots from the bartender at Jackalopes Scates took $120 from the night prior, which would turn to me playing dice with Scates and 5 beautiful, dangerous, dirty, tattooed men (I thought Austin was going to have more cowboys?), bars bars bars, vegan bowls and drinks and dancing at gay bars. We become part of a block party on 6th Street while walking and eating pizza and checking out some snakes.
We find out the next day Courtney will much later lock herself out of her hotel room in the middle of the night while naked, and have to yank down a common area curtain to go speak to the concierge. You cannot repeat this story unless she brings it up because I don’t even think I am supposed to know it. In any event, Genevieve has more wonderful friends who I also want to be friends with for as long as they’ll let me.
Saturday is the wedding. G, despite it being your fucking wedding weekend, you make it a point to think of me, text me how much I mean to you on Friday night, and graciously extend an invite for me to come whenever. So, beyond thoughtful. I take up the opportunity after lunch in Drippings with Courtney, Rachel and Sarah, who got rear ended an hour before by a 16 year old named Luke Harrison Ford who was late for his summer lifeguarding job… truly. We do make-up to Staple Sisters, people have wine to kill the nerves that hangovers have generously exacerbated, and we head out. I head down to the area G had toured me the night before with her sick ass pony, to have my breath taken away by the backdrop of the ceremony and the weight of realizing... it’s here. Baby’s breath peppers the alter that will frame the ceremony of two people I love, and behind them, a crystal clear creek with cattails, sweet little frogs, and ciccaedas chirping. We have a warm breeze (is there anything better in this life?), and New York style park jazz playing for us.
Sarah and I keep looking around (why? we still don’t know). We are talking to each other but neither of us are listening. And then the moment is here. The xx plays, and lithe, beautiful Talib appears, his shoulders back and down, gliding along the white rose petals, to the archway he will officiate from. He is the perfect entity to accept and deliver the responsibility of officiating a wedding and a lifetime of love together. He professes on the subject of Love. It sounds metaphorical, it is not. You could register for one of his courses. For this - it couldn’t be more meaningful. Sunja surfaces in a suit that makes me want a suit - mauve crush velvet. His skin is glowing. Next is Mona and Austin, followed by Bella and Jared, Sunja’s siblings, and the Plahey girls. When Ajinder and Parmeet surface, I have goosebumps. For most of this 95 degree event, I will be showing anyone who will give me the time of fucking day, that I have goosebumps. Women are so beautiful and powerful, and knowing the heart of the bride is in both these girls hands and safe forever. I think of the secrets and stories and laughter they have shared in this lifetime. These are the girls. They sit down in front of Sarah and I, with their thick, tousled hair, in their blush chiffons, fanning themselves in the heat and air that is rich with love.
After what felt like eternity, escorted on each side by her loving parents, Genevieve emerges.
I do not plan on crying at this wedding but will end up crying violently at this wedding. It is not me, watching Genevieve walk down the aisle and imagining myself – something that triggers crying so often for people. No. This is me, seeing Genevieve, the bride who is so beautiful and has wanted this since she was itty bitty and embodied what it means to be a good partner whole heartedly. She is walking down that aisle and passing the threshold, no matter her fears and hurts and worries that day or that lifetime has served up to her, knowing she can handle it and that her marriage will continue to conquer these hurdles that she is challenged with, and she will chose to show up anyways. Knowing how important this day was and her friendships were there, did it for me. It was at this wedding that I got it.
The vows are beautiful – and I refuse to say which was better even though I know Genevieve is reading this hoping I will reveal it. I will not. It was Sunja’s.
In all seriousness, the vows were exactly what we hoped for and what we needed. Each were laced with words that spoke as much to the person reciting them a as the person they were meant for. And when the you both faced us and acknowledged the crowd, something I had never seen before, it felt so, so meaningful. I was absolutely honored to be there.
And when it was time, Talib, whose cadence and low voice guided us so eloquently and calmly through the ceremony, announced you both life partners. I was deeply moved.
There are moments in a wedding that you feel that what you are watching is some kind of a movie, show, or form of entertainment. The bride is with you but mentally on to the next table, conversation, or portion of the evening, playing out everything in her head, the angles for the camera, making sure nothing about the evening is out of place or captured incorrectly. There is a high alert. It feels like you are observing a celebrity amongst common folks. There are outfits, customs and traditions that are reserved for weddings that don’t make much sense outside of them (or in them for that matter), but this wedding had none of that. There was a moment, where myself, on the other side of the room, waiving at G, and honestly dumbfounded when I saw her wave back at me. How was she even noticing me right now? So beautiful and glowing and in the spotlight. But GENEVIEVE ALWAYS NOTICES. And I know it would have been so easy to embody the alternative, I appreciate Genevieve so much during this wedding for stepping outside of the standard bride role and being who we came to support all along – her.
We have a bit of well-timed southern summer rain, some wine, some more excellent music choices. Grimes??? I’m shaken. And the dances. In a very moving moment, Sunja’s mother joins him standing, and supported by him, for a single song. I can only imagine what this meant to each of them. I look at Amber, a table over, who is crying into the sky. You cannot prepare for how these moments will take you away.
We have incredible food and BBQ from the famed Salt Lick. This also leads me to my next tangent - almost everything that has been served up to me, from the locations of these bachelorette and wedding events, to the food and experiences at them, WAS STUFF I WOULD HAVE GONE LOOKING FOR ON MY OWN. It felt like you guys were truly looking out for our best interests and offering experiences you we would enjoy doing. It was such a gift.
The speeches delivered from Adela, Parmeet and Ajinder were windows into G’s former adolescent and collegiate life. Each breathed to life with the personality of the story teller, including Parmeet’s impressive 6-page narrative, which allegedly when confirmed by the wedding coordinator, Genevieve approved with negative hesitation.
As one may expect, once the dance floor opened up we about blew the roof off the place. Most of us were busting at the seams waiting for gen pop to get the okay to infiltrate. I danced with Joe, I danced with Jake, I danced with Talib and almost died from cardiac arrest in the process of keeping up. Sometimes it was all too much for my little heart to handle that I had to face on the goddamn window to settle myself the hell down. Everyone at that event held their own. Everyone at that event realizes their power as individuals is as important as their power as a group. No place is as telling as this as a dance floor. It was the most beautiful way to share the evening with people.
On that note, I want to thank both you and Sunja for this window into your life and love beyond what I already knew. Outside of the wedding itself, which I would lift directly and replicate for myself if I could, you are living out a truth in love that is honoring you as individuals as much as it is as you as partners. I want that. It was clear as day to me that my current path was not this, and I guess Ajinder felt it too, because we both went home and broke up with the people we were seeing. When it’s real, it’s real.
At the end of the weekend it was very clear to me what was important in this life - it is the relationships those who you surround yourself with on this journey. You are truly blessed if you get to laugh with them, which we both know, YOU ARE. You have not only incredible friends, Genevieve, but the most incredible best-friend to call your husband. I am honored to have witnessed this evening, considering it a pivoting moment in my own realization for the life I want to lead, and look forward to seeing the rest of your story unfold.
May we dance on many more floors together.
Love you both,
T
6.22.19
**((update here G came over last night and now she wears very cool, very hip tortoise shell glasses)